A Sole Mate Is...

Just chill out- I'm not illiterate. I know it's spelt Soulmate. It's a pun. Because your best friends are really the only friends you need? Your sole mates? You know what, I don't need this from you. Go read another blog- my reader count has already gone up by you stumbling on my page so yeah, jog on random Korean reader. Only joking.

Please love me.

There are a number of ways of knowing you have met 'the one'. I don't mean the romantic 'one'. For those hoping for love advice, here's a tip- dress up, be confident, and go jump off a cliff because you're will never find anyone. Now that we've cleared that up, I shall move on.

I will attempt to condense about 10 years of wisdom into a few key points:

1) Unsubtle coding

You will have created your own little language and most certainly will have given people code names. This isn't bitchy, this is life. 

I remember having in depth conversations in front of other curious (I'm really flattering myself here because no one really cared about my MSN romances) listeners about whether Cheesecake had sent me the infamous ':p' face or the controversial ';)' face (which no one would ever send unless they intended on drugging you and stealing your organs). It might have been more subtle to give him a plausible code name, like 'Barry'- scrap that no one is ever really called Barry. 'John' maybe. But our irrepressible love for cake, the only thing succeeding our love for each other, manifested itself in the form of a really obtrusive nickname which pretty much defeated the purpose.

Secondly, you have a word, a whole complex Saussurean system of linguistics set in place for the moment you want to say, 'there's a hot guy standing precisely 4.23 metres away from you, southeastwards'.

2) You have discussed your future

If by some miracle, one of you finds someone and gets married, you are by default the maid of honour. However, if this plan is ignored, you have every right to kill your best friend the same way they killed your dreams of ever walking down an aisle. 

When your dreams of being rich are dashed because you don't understand economics, nor do you have the discipline or patience to study law, you will live in the shed of your wealthiest best friend with your several dogs. If her husband is not okay with this, you are obligated to contribute to 13% of the divorce fees.