Dear America,
I feel like I should just sit here and watch you all suffer after you brewed our tea in your lake (although I do find that it says a lot when we British solve our problems by depositing large amounts of caffeine in our bodies, not in lakes because we're a rational nation), but I have decided to bury the hatchet.
I am starting to believe that you would vote for a packet of crisps if it was wrapped in the promise of irrelevant bible quotes, homophobia, tax reduction and of course, saturated fat. For those of you who are in possession of a brain, I recommend that you attain a love for maple syrup and hockey fast so that you have something to ease the pain acquired from the loss of faith in humanity when you are forced to emigrate to Canada due to the repugnant stench of a growing Santorum fan base. I don't mean to be harsh, and I know you're a family man Rick, but you are truly a moron. Give my best to the wife and seven kids who you mention at the start of every campaign in order to squeeze votes out of those who care.
Please, refrain from being the idiots of the international community, again. It's bad enough that you allow the existence of capital punishment, Fox News... and the Kardashians. Obama is the only sane candidate out there. And he can sing - I'm not saying that George Michael could run our country, (although I wouldn't mind the inclusion of pelvic thrusts into our legislation) but it definitely makes him a cool president Rick Santorum is a fundaMENTAList.
Yours sincerely,
The UK
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