The Hipster Pub...

Hipster: A term defined as 'a subculture of men and women with d-bag tendencies'.

Okay, you've got me. That is not the official Oxford dictionary definition, but I feel that this term has been defined in a rather formulaic fashion. I define hipster from experience. I realise I have really attacked the 'let's wear chinos for irony' culture countless times, but it is an area of society about which I feel particularly strongly.

Today, I walked into a pub, filled with students on their Macbooks/laptops in all different shades of commercial. 'Why are you here?' I thought to myself, slowly accepting the fact that it was not only Starbucks which harboured this particular type of pretentious git. I don't know if it was the overwhelming number of empty frames or squint-worthy lack of lighting (which made me look like a right tool when taking my phone flash light out in order to inspect the menu, score 1-0 to the hipsters) which automatically set me in a bad mood, but there was very little which awaited me in that pub which would relieve my angst.

Admittedly, I was wearing my Bob Dylan t-shirt and so fit in wonderfully with the assortment of band t-shirts and graphic tees, namely Guns 'n' Roses and abstract black and white images of a man's face. However, I must say that next to pink, blue, white, brown, anyandall coloured brogues, my converse looked pretty shabby and mainstream.

I thought I would be safe in the toilet. But on the door of the cubicles were little One Tree Hill-esque sayings. You know, the vague ones that you hear at the end of an episode which always end with a patronising slowed pace and downward tone;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHHkl7hSxPs&feature=related

The hipsters are trying to attack us when we're most vulnerable. Even if it means on the loo, but we must fight fire with fire and champion an un-d-bag lifestyle without Docmartins and profile pictures with toy camera filters.

The Awkward Moment...

Every year comes with its fair share of phrases which saturate every day speech. In 2010 we saw the emergence of;

'not gonna lie but...'.

Yeah, I didn't think you were going to lie until you said that and planted the seeds of doubt. Now I'm not sure if I believe that that sandwich was actually amazing. After all you have every reason to lie about something which I have as little interest in as the 'Shopaholic' books. Seriously though, how do you manage to drag out the fact that she is a compulsive shopper and haunted by a man in a white mask called Jigsaw in seven books? Oh crap, I'm mixing up films in the genre;

'repeat-one-storyline-by-creating-ridiculous-numbers-of-sequels-until-people-notice-and-make-a-cult-out-of-it'.

'literally... (some sort of casual statement which makes 'literally' totally irrelevant)'.

'Literally' doesn't make your statement more credible. It's not as if we say, 'Woah, good thing she said she was literally eating chocolate, otherwise I might not have believed her'. It is the new 'like'. 'OMG I literally just wet myself laughing'. No you didn't, so you're a liar. Or you might have a problem. Either way, you're a liar or have a seriously weak bladder and may need help.

However, 2011 saw the outbreak of;

'the awkward moment when...'. 

This is a phrase which I hope dies with the rest of 2011. People used this all the time. "The awkward moment when you're eating cereal". Why are you uncomfortable around wheat products? "The awkward moment when you answer the phone". Yeah, that is awkward because you're just supposed to let it ring. I've been in my fair share of awkward moments and know that using the phrase 'the awkward moment when...' does not alleviate the situation and make it any less wrist slitting. With my best friends being Iranian and Cypriot, I also know that casual racism does not help, although it does momentarily divert attention, at your expense of course, but I would rather be a bigot than that ass who uses the 'awkward moment when'.